


Obi-Wan's Many Sexploits Across The Galaxy

by SiriusNebulae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Aromantic Luke Skywalker, Consensual Sex, Gen, Han Solo approves, Leia Organa Deserves Better, Multi, Obi-Wan has had sex with everyone, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriusNebulae/pseuds/SiriusNebulae
Summary: Obi-Wan hadn't expected the road trip with Luke, Leia, Han, and R2-D2 would lead to him having to air out his past intimacies, but then again, he hadn't counted on sleeping with the many sets of parents the twins had.Or, Leia finds out Obi-Wan has slept with many people, and is unamused. Luke is very confused, and Han finds the whole thing absolutely hilarious. Obi-Wan just wishes R2-D2 had kept his mouth shut.
Relationships: Bail Organa/Breha Organa/Obi-Wan Kenobi (past), Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker & Leia Organa & Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi & R2-D2, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Jango Fett (mentioned), Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze (mentioned), Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker (past), R2-D2 & Mischief
Comments: 38
Kudos: 515





	Obi-Wan's Many Sexploits Across The Galaxy

**Author's Note:**

> All of these relationships are consensual and between adults. Obi-Wan sleeps with Anakin, but was not his master or mentor (or in a position of power over him ever). Anakin never went evil, no one died (except Sidious), the war didn't happen, and the Order didn't hurt Obi-Wan or Anakin. Both twins knew the other, their adoptive families, and their birth families. 
> 
> Idea from this post on Tumblr: https://himboskywalker.tumblr.com/post/618514275739303936/leia-storming-up-to-obi-wan-did-you-sleep-with

Obi-Wan looked up sharply as Leia stormed into his cabin, already beginning to shout at him. "DID YOU SLEEP WITH MY FATHER?!"

He choked on a breath as he eyed Leia standing furiously before him, hands on her hips and eyes drilling into him, letting him know she was not going to tolerate any obfuscation on his part. His mind quickly flicked back to the night he had spent with Anakin, where both of them had come together in hot kisses and touches. Both of them had expressed their love for each other that night, and Obi-Wan tried to view that passionate night that hadn't led to a relationship between them from Leia's eyes. Just as he was about to open his mouth, his mind pulled up the memory of his night with Bail.

 _Oh Force,_ he thought. He didn't regret the decision, as it had been one of his best nights spent with Bail, both of them laughing and having fun and making the other feel good. Of course, that had ended once the twins were born, but he knew that if Bail asked him back he would happily go.

"Well??" Leia demanded, yanking Obi-Wan out of his thoughts.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes." He paused, unsure how to address Leia truthfully.

"Erm... to which one would you be referring to?"

* * *

"LUKE!"

Luke jolted from where he was talking with R2-D2, startled by Leia's shout from somewhere down the halls.

"I gotta go buddy, I'll be right back." He told R2, walking away as R2 beeped forlornly. He walked towards where he could feel Leia's emotions (mostly anger and disbelief), and ran into a smirking Han on the way.

"What'd you do now, farmboy?"

"I didn't do anything, but Leia seems angry so it's best to follow what she says."

Han laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "Don't I know it."

They both entered the cabin Leia was in, looking at Obi-Wan sitting uncomfortably in front of her.

"What's going on, Princess?"

"This man here," Leia pointed forcefully at Obi-Wan. "Has apparently slept with both of my parents, and hadn't seen fit to mention this at all!"

"Wait," Luke said. "You slept with both Bail _and_ Breha?"

Leia turned around. "No, I meant-"

Obi-Wan shifted on the bed, his look of discomfort growing. "Well, you see..."

"No." Leia whirled around again, looking at Obi-Wan as if daring him to say it wasn't true. "You did not."

Han laughed. "You sly dog!"

"Er..." Obi-Wan hesitated.

"You did not sleep with _both_ of my adoptive parents _and_ with my birth father."

Obi-Wan held his hands up, looking between Leia, Luke, and Han all crowded before him with different looks of disbelief and anger. He certainly hadn't expected _this_ to happen today. And he certainly hadn't expected his past dalliances to land him in hot water with the twins when they had started on this trip. "I assure you, it was fully consensual and enjoyed. Not that it's your business, but we were responsible adults allowed to do things such as intercourse."

"That's not the point!" Leia protested.

"Who even says 'intercourse?'" Han added.

"Wait," Luke held up a hand. "You slept with Leia's parents, and her birth father, who is also my birth father?"

"Yes, Luke." Leia glared at Obi-Wan, who had decided it was time to stop being embarrassed, as it did nothing to stop Leia from continuing the conversation. "He slept with our father, Anakin, and also my parents Bail and Breha. And he did not mention it to us."

"It's not really yours to know," Obi-Wan added, not backing down from Leia, but also knowing how stubborn she could be (just like her mother).

"Karking hells, old man." Han laughed from behind Luke. "Is there anyone you _haven't_ slept with?"

"Umm..." He looked at Leia.

"For fuck's sake!"

* * *

"Okay, I'm only going to do this once." Obi-Wan looked between the twins and Han. After Leia's outburst and the resulting chaos of trying to stop her berating, Han's unending laughter, and Luke's confused glances between all of them, Obi-Wan was feeling a bit tired and done with this conversation. R2 had appeared at some point, and was squeezed in the doorway. "Again, this isn't yours to know, but since it seems like you won't let me be unless you hear this, I will tell you my sordid past. After this, we don't bring it up unless it's truly, _truly_ necessary. Understand?"

Leia nodded with a glare, Han was on the edge of his seat in anticipation for what was to come, and Luke still looked confused as to why this was becoming such a big deal.

"Okay," Obi-Wan sighed and sat up straighter. "I have had intercourse with Bail, both alone and with Breha. This ended before you twins were born. It was mutually enjoyed. All parties knew what had happened and there was clear communication. I had intercourse with Anakin alone once, and also with Padme alone, and both together."

"Kriffing hells, old man." Han sat back with a new appreciation for Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan raised his hand in resignation.

"I'm not finished yet. I also had dalliances with Owen and Beru, which all happened before you both turned three years old."

"My parents?" Luke asked, looking even more confused.

"Yes. Again, all of these were consensual decisions made by responsible adults."

Leia looked at him; her glare had only gotten worse as he had kept talking. "Is there anyone close to this family you _haven't_ slept with? Is anyone even left at this point?"

Han snorted. "Not likely."

"No," Obi-Wan sighed. "And this the only time I will talk to you about this. Leia, you now know everything and don't have to worry about your different parents being overly familiar and handsy with me. Luke, you know more details of my life than I ever wanted either of you two to know. Han, if you breathe a word of this, I'm drinking all of your alcohol stash you think I don't know about."

Han held up his hands. "Can do, not talking about this at all. Nope, definitely not talking about how you banged your way through this entire family."

"Don't test me, Solo."

"Wouldn't dream of it, geezer." Han looked over towards Luke, who was talking to R2-D2. Force knew if he had even caught the last of their conversation, but it was better than Leia's look that said she was already plotting something. Han wouldn't put it past her to be planning to interrogate everyone Obi-Wan had mentioned. Her future talk with Anakin was going to be an immensely awkward disaster.

"Hey guys," Luke spoke up from his place next to R2, already turning towards Obi-Wan with a confused look on his face. "R2 says I should ask you about Satine and Jango Fett? Who're they?"

Obi-Wan glared darkly at R2 before he turned slowly to Leia, already knowing what would await him.

"KENOBI!"

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic. Please comment or kudos to let me know what you think! Thanks!


End file.
